Sunday, September 11, 2011

How Now Brown Cow?

"Opie, you haven’t finished your milk. We can’t put it back in the cow, you know."
From The Andy Griffith Show.

It is rumored they said the same of my sister. I must say that on one account I am glad they were unable to put her back in her maternal cow mother. On another, I say what goes up must come down, what comes out must go back in and what happens in the past should perhaps stay in the past. (sigh) Although, this may not make for the best blog post fodder, it may be a wise enough rule.

Bloglings: Those people who follow blogs.

My sister's bloglings may not be entirely pleased with my tone, but I say they are duped, these little cow bloglings. Since my sister is quite a success (kudos to you sis), more than likely anyone intrepid enough to be reading this are of the aforementioned persuasion. So I write to you, enemy of mine. It is you who have been entertained. It is your approval, your clicks, your coveted comments she seeks to win.

If you happen to be in the dark as for why I would say things of such seemingly blatant cruelty, I refer you to my previous post and my sister's recent blog.

One, Two, Three, Four, I Declare a Blog War

There are some who would say I tinker with the sacred relationship between family members, that I endanger the friendship with my sister. To this I quote the immortal Mark Twain.

"Sacred cows make the best hamburgers."

My apologies to any of the Hindu readers from Elisa's blog, but the quote is rather apt.  So let me answer a few more basic questions.

"When a cow laughs, does milk come out her nose?"
Yes, I've seen Elisa do it first hand.

"Why does Elisa like coffee so much?"
After her cow mother gave birth to her the vet said she'd been de-Calf-inated.

When the customs agent asked who she was traveling with on her honeymoon what did Elisa say?
"Me and my 'udder' half."

What are Elisa's two favorite things?
Moosic and Moola.

When asked about the state of their marriage on their five year reunion, what did Elisa's husband, Cade, say?
"He who lets the goat be laid on his shoulders is soon after forced to carry the cow. It's an old Italian proverb."

Do you enjoy reading your sister's writing?
Let me answer using a quote from Lord Chesterfield. When I read Elisa's work it is like, "the mere brute pleasure of reading - the sort of pleasure a cow must have in grazing."

I received a most strange call the other day from someone claiming to have become a huge fan after visiting my website and reading my one blog. Elisa, elisa, elisa... I await your response.

I know you, dear reader, must be the most devoted bloglings of my sister, but I beg you. Help me draw her out into this Blog War. You can do so by going to her blog and posting cow jokes in her comment section.

Please, go to my sister's blog and support the cause by posting cow jokes in her comment section, the more juvenile the joke the better!

Crazy Writing Mom


  1. Dear Shane (although Elmer seems a better name for a bull)--

    I know Elisa already told you that we have DEJA MOO--the feeling that we've heard this bull before & I just want to know--WHAT'S YOUR BEEF?

    A poem for you:

    How lovely that Elisa is
    Too sweet to feel avarice
    Towards her brother who shows now
    He's just a poor, sad, male cow
    Who feels he must keep her life full
    With his daily load of bull!

  2. Oh blogling, oh, blogling
    Elisa's praises you do sing
    I agree with you on her writing grand
    but on one account I must demand
    for topics flung in blog air
    exclude thy brother, strong and fair

  3. I'm working on the best come-back ever! Get ready to lose--if you thought the prank call was bad, you have another thing coming! Baw-ha-ha.

  4. Wait . . . instead of "baw ha ha" I meant Moo--hoo-hoo!!! Take that you villainous savage. I bet you're eating a beef burger right now, AND loving it! OH--the betrayal.

  5. LOL! and I love the picture ;D you two are beyond fun! this is the best brother-sister "war" I've ever seen :D plus it's entertaining me ;D

  6. Oh Shane! My hearts all a flutter. You've given us a name? ( that eerily reminds me of Lord of the Ring series.) Long live the bloglings! No worries, your sister has said she won't WRITE anything to embarrassing about your hormonal teen years. HOWEVER, I don't believe she said anything about vlog post. Interesting...
    haha You remind me so much of my brother Shannon it's not even funny. Have a great day. Oh, and thanks for playing. :)

  7. Oh and you need to fix your follower button so I can follow you blondy! What's up with that?

  8. Stopping by to show some love to your blog, fix that follow button! My boys are 10, 2 and 7 months. I can only hope they all have a great bond as adults.

  9. It's fixed :)

  10. Loved it...if I could follow you I would. The GFC button is not working.

  11. Hmmm, a cow joke huh? Okay, I'll think of something. By the way, welcome to the club fellow blogling;)!


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